I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.

It was on this day that the Bahamas declared independence. Before that they were a British colony. The British Empire lost Canada and the Bahamas, to name just a couple. Britain's been dumped more times than Taylor Swift. But did they go writing whining songs about it? No.

I have a beard. Just not on my face.

Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.

The new Pope, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, is now Pope Francis the 1st. Francis was not his first choice for a name. But the Vatican wisely talked him out of Pope Boo Boo.

People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.