Here's a tip for all you aspiring young comics: Don't beat up the customers. It is very difficult to get laughs from an audience when you've actually drawn blood from one of their number. It kills the mood.
Craig FergusonI view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.
Craig FergusonFor a while, some schools across the country were banning spelling bees. For obvious reasons, of course - steroids
Craig Ferguson