Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

I salute Rick Perry for the way he's trying to overcome this. Today he came out and said he's not one of those slick politicians, that this just shows his human side, and some third excuse he can't remember.

If you watch cooking shows on cable, they have lots of British people. Because when you think good cooking, you immediately think Britain.

Here's a tip for all you aspiring young comics: Don't beat up the customers. It is very difficult to get laughs from an audience when you've actually drawn blood from one of their number. It kills the mood.

If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.