Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

Don't protest outside of a rich man's house in the daytime, you'll just scare the maid, and that's Arnold Schwarzenegger's job.

The difference between a broadcaster and a host is that a host tells stories and dumb jokes, but a broadcaster can articulate deeper like, you know - things and stuff.

There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.

The Universe is very, very big.

I don't get emails from my corporate overlords.

Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.