A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think.

According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been reading my email.

The Smurfs 2 is a great movie. The Smurfs are tiny little creatures that everybody loves. They're like Justin Bieber - minus the part about everybody loving him.

President Obama said that we rely too much on gadgets. He gave a passionate speech about technology, but he had to stop when the teleprompter broke.

If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.

This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election - and for American Idol.