A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

I haven't had a drink in thirteen years, but occasionally I'm tempted to have one beer. The problem is that if I have that one beer, I wake up in Tijuana four days later with a tattoo and a sore ass.

New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.

The first day of spring is known as the vernal equinox. The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC.

Climate change is a serious problem. We all need to do what we can. Unless that means I've got to change stuff. Then I'm not doing it.

Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. And I thought, 'Have fun in Congress then.

It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.