A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.

I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.

Time is only linear for engineers and referees.

Sometimes, in order to follow one's heart, one must do the wrong thing. Now, I'm not absolving anyone of their actions; you have to be responsible for your actions, sick or well, you have to be, you just have to be. All of us are accountable.

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.