A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.

You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.

Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.

I don't know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It's not gay people who are ruining the sanctity of marriage, it's celebrities.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving.

I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means that you're afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right.