A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying.

Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.

Scientists say over the next hundred years, the coast of California will sink almost five feet. So the presidential candidates need to do something. Mitt Romney is conflicted. On one hand, he denies that global warming exists. But if California is under water, he would definitely win the next election.