Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.
Craig FergusonTwas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
Craig FergusonA lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself.
Craig FergusonIt's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.
Craig FergusonA new study says by 2030 household robots will dominate every phase of our lives. The study says the No. 1 field for robot growth is medicine. That makes sense. Robots already perform well in surgery. That is, until there is a power outage. Then it's just a coat rack leaning over you as you bleed to death.
Craig Ferguson