Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people.

Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.

You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew that, they would have passed the bill years ago.

At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.