Here at CBS, spring also means March Madness. I love the name March Madness. I'm glad the PC police haven't made us change March Madness to early spring psychosis.

Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.

The virus in the movie 'Contagion' is based on the bird flu which came out of nowhere back in 2008. Everyone thought it was going to change the way we live and it just faded away. Wait a minute, I'm talking about President Obama.

A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I'm outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women?

Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.

A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself.