The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.

It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.

People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.

They've found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you're eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns.

Sarah Palin is speaking out about the oil spill. She said, I'm not kidding, we should ask the Dutch for help with the spill because the Dutch have the world's best dikes. So let me get this straight. It is OK to cover lesbians in oil but you just can't let them get married.

I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.

I'm careful with money.