The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.

Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012

I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck.

If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.

114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.

Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!