Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love.

A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

We do have a big kind of history in literate tradition of Vikings and we have a lot of Viking blood in Scotland, I mean especially up north wherever you go you see a plastic Viking sitting outside a shop and Viking calendars and - because they - you know they came down and stole all our chicks and then some of them didn't quite get back and ended up settling down here. So there's a lot of Viking blood in Scotland.

Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.

Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit rock bottom?

You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.