Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012

I would prefer as a viewer to watch the mistakes. I am my own blooper reel, as it happens.

I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.

I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.

He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.

Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.