I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck.

I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!

What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.

Be careful who you choose as your hero or who you choose to deify, be it Clay Aiken or Barack Obama. You put all you're hope and all your dreams and all your ideas about stuff into one human being. They're a human being they're going to let you down. You can't make someone your hero because of something you read on the internet. The internet is not a source of information it is a source of disinformation.

I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.

Happy Cinco de Mayo. If you don't know what that means, maybe you're a little out of touch - or maybe you're the governor of Arizona.