I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck.

My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.

I don't know much about the Supreme Court. If it's anything like the Supreme Taco, it's like a regular court, but with extra sour cream.

I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.

I realized women and humor were linked very closely.

Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don't want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney.

Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself.