There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking...And that's just the part where he fixes his hair.

You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry

I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV.

I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice.

I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.

I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.'

At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.