Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.

People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.

I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.

When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.

Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.

Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?

Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit rock bottom?