You know when you're a kid and you think, 'Oh no, I've got double math, this is never gonna end,' but then it ends, and it's like it never happened? That's like life.

What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

Whoever I had become had to die.

I don't think wood was discovered in Britain until the 1970's. That's when I discovered it anyway.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.

I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.