Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.

Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.

I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think.

Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!

I salute Rick Perry for the way he's trying to overcome this. Today he came out and said he's not one of those slick politicians, that this just shows his human side, and some third excuse he can't remember.

There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.

In Los Angeles on Black Friday, a woman pepper sprayed Wal-Mart shoppers who tried to cut in line. The police acted fast by immediately hiring her to get rid of peaceful protesters outside banking institutions all across the United States.