It was on this day that the Bahamas declared independence. Before that they were a British colony. The British Empire lost Canada and the Bahamas, to name just a couple. Britain's been dumped more times than Taylor Swift. But did they go writing whining songs about it? No.

I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me.

Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!'

I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.

Whoever I had become had to die.

You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry

Clay Aiken ran for Congress in North Carolina. But he didn't make it. Clay Aiken is famous for coming in second in a TV popularity contest that most people got fed up with years ago. He also lost on 'American Idol.'