A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I'm outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women?

You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.

A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going as Congress.

Larry King has been married more times than Henry the Eighth. We used to have that rhyme to keep track of them. 'Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.' With Larry I think it goes, 'Divorced, beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian, disappeared, inflatable.

They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.

I think the scores for Olympic gymnastics are affected by what countries the judge and the gymnast are from. That's wrong. That type of political pandering isn't meant for gymnastic Olympic events. It's meant for the Supreme Court.

Scientists say over the next hundred years, the coast of California will sink almost five feet. So the presidential candidates need to do something. Mitt Romney is conflicted. On one hand, he denies that global warming exists. But if California is under water, he would definitely win the next election.