A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I'm outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women?

Cannabis always made me paranoid; I felt like people were watching me. And now I'm sober, and I've got this talk show in the middle of the night on CBS, and I now know that no one is watching me.

I used to believe, like many people who come from poor backgrounds, that it gave me an edge, but I think that's just something we have to tell ourselves to get by sometimes. I don't believe that anymore. Children of privilege can be just as talented and clever as anybody else.

You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.

I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.

HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it.

My father had a very unusual psychic ability, he could detect water. It's called divining. He would use a Y-shaped U-branch, and he could find water with that, which is a very impressive skill in a country where it rains 365 days of the year.