Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.

I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice.

Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes.

Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.

These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.

That's the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.

I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.