Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.

Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes.

I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.

The Universe is very, very big. It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules. Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever. Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute rule. Therefore when someone says that their love will never die, it means that their love is not real, for everything that is real dies. Rule number two: Everything lasts forever.

It was on this day that the Bahamas declared independence. Before that they were a British colony. The British Empire lost Canada and the Bahamas, to name just a couple. Britain's been dumped more times than Taylor Swift. But did they go writing whining songs about it? No.

From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?

Jeb Bush announced today on the Internet that he may run for president. The next presidential election could be Bush vs. Clinton. It will be like 1992 all over again except I won't be in rehab.