A lot of the U.S. used to be part of Mexico, including Arizona. But they're a bit touchy about that right now.

If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'

Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.

It is Veterans Day, when we honor everyone who served in all of the campaigns. We honor them with dignity and respect, and of course mattress sales and tire discounts.

The difference between a broadcaster and a host is that a host tells stories and dumb jokes, but a broadcaster can articulate deeper like, you know - things and stuff.

Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar.

Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!'