You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.

President Obama said that we rely too much on gadgets. He gave a passionate speech about technology, but he had to stop when the teleprompter broke.

It is a great day for the great state of Texas. The last person being tested for Ebola has come back clean. So Texas is now Ebola free. This was a big week for them. They're now free of Ebola - and Democrats.

The world can be such a fright, but it belongs to us tonight.

I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.

Oh Satan you're a wily one.

I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.