If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.

I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that.

Saudia Arabia takes in half a trillion dollars every year in oil revenue, and the country has a population smaller than New York state, but when your system of government is an eleventh century monarchy, someone's going to end up poor, and it's not gonna be the guy whose first name is King.

A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going as Congress.

The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It's camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it.