I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important.

I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.

I try and live my life in bite-size chunks.

Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.

A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

Clay Aiken ran for Congress in North Carolina. But he didn't make it. Clay Aiken is famous for coming in second in a TV popularity contest that most people got fed up with years ago. He also lost on 'American Idol.'

It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?