I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important.

I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school.

I think the scores for Olympic gymnastics are affected by what countries the judge and the gymnast are from. That's wrong. That type of political pandering isn't meant for gymnastic Olympic events. It's meant for the Supreme Court.

Even though it's warm here in L.A., people still have to wear layers - at least until their plastic surgery heals.

The new Pope, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, is now Pope Francis the 1st. Francis was not his first choice for a name. But the Vatican wisely talked him out of Pope Boo Boo.

Tomorrow is your future's yesterday.

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.