I don't know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It's not gay people who are ruining the sanctity of marriage, it's celebrities.

Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.

People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.

Wikipedia celebrates its 12th birthday today. Of course, I have no idea if it's true. I read it on Wikipedia.

You know when you're a kid and you think, 'Oh no, I've got double math, this is never gonna end,' but then it ends, and it's like it never happened? That's like life.

I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.

Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.