I don't know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It's not gay people who are ruining the sanctity of marriage, it's celebrities.

These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.

Another one of President Barack Obama's nominees is having tax issues, which proves one thing: The Democrats like raising the taxes, but they hate paying them.

Justin Bieber's tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace to Canada and should never come back. Then they found the marijuana.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.

I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't.

A lot of the U.S. used to be part of Mexico, including Arizona. But they're a bit touchy about that right now.