I think the scores for Olympic gymnastics are affected by what countries the judge and the gymnast are from. That's wrong. That type of political pandering isn't meant for gymnastic Olympic events. It's meant for the Supreme Court.

Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.

Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012

You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own.

You clap. The Censor wakes up. We all get into trouble.

It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television.

The world can be such a fright, but it belongs to us tonight.