Valentine's Day is celebrated a little differently here in L.A. Nobody eats chocolate because of the calories, so people give each other tofu-shaped boxes filled with bean curd. Then they fantasize about what their Pilates instructor would be like if he was straight.

If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!

Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.

President Obama said that we rely too much on gadgets. He gave a passionate speech about technology, but he had to stop when the teleprompter broke.

A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms.

Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.

I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school.