A lot of people in their 30's get nostalgic for their teen years. Then they get jobs in TV, become bitter and jaded and prematurely old. Then they turn their nostalgia into great television.

Nothing says romance like hobos, martyrs and decapitations.

Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. And I thought, 'Have fun in Congress then.

Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.

My father had a very unusual psychic ability, he could detect water. It's called divining. He would use a Y-shaped U-branch, and he could find water with that, which is a very impressive skill in a country where it rains 365 days of the year.

A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms.

Don't hit women. Never, ever, ever.