They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.

I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it

According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been reading my email.

I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn't understand. I actually think that's part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath.

It 's the time of year when Canadians mate.