According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.

Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers.

I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.

I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.

I became a terrible drunk or alcoholic - or a good one depending on your point of view.

Why don't they allow professional wrestling at the Olympics? They allow pro basketball players and hockey players. Olympic pro wrestling would be awesome. The team from Mexico could wear those Mr. X masks. The French wrestler could hit his opponent with a baguette. Or perhaps just surrender.

Pies were invented 12,000 years ago by the Egyptians. It was an easy way to preserve food that would be carried over long distances. They were like ancient Slim Jims.