I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school.

I became a terrible drunk or alcoholic - or a good one depending on your point of view.

The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.

Today Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a surprise? Whenever there's a vote for something on the Internet, the cat always wins.

The term Big Brother is from George Orwell's book 1984 - where everyone's watched over by a network of cameras called Big Brother. I've never understood why Orwell chose that phrase for somebody watching you all the time. Isn't that more like Creepy Uncle?

Well, everyone, welcome to Shark Week. Oh that's on CBS and there's been a lot of cutbacks, so it's just Friday night for a couple of minutes. And we don't have any sharks, just an immigrant with a puppet. Hey, but it's a start!

I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.