Bush's memoir is 512 pages. To be fair, 200 of those pages are just games and puzzles.

Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.

They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.

Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.

The Afghan government is as corrupt as a prostitute with a law degree.

I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that.

Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.