It's a great day for America, everybody! It's Monday, woo.

It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television.

Democrats in state legislatures are at their lowest level since the 1920s. President Obama has a can't-miss strategy to save the party in 2016. He's leaving.

Ratings experts say the best way to get people to watch during sweeps is to leave the audience with a question that won't be answered until the next time the show is on. You know, like Who shot J.R.? I like to think I do this every night - the question is, Is this show still on?

There are plans for a new high-speed train between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It will make the trip time 30 minutes. People in L.A. are like, Yes! And people in San Francisco are like, Yeah, sure, great. We look forward to seeing you.

That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself.

Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love.