A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.

The Danes are causing a bit of trouble. The kingdom of Denmark claimed the North Pole as their own. Hey, you can't just reach out and take something if you want it, Denmark. That's Russia's job.

I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.

I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.