A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.

People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.

Fat is where comedy is stored.

The difference between a broadcaster and a host is that a host tells stories and dumb jokes, but a broadcaster can articulate deeper like, you know - things and stuff.

You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry

Acid gave me a clinical, unblinking look at madness, and I discovered I wasn't brave enough to be insane.

Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself.