Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.

My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.

Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.

These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.

At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.

The truth is, you win the Lotto. That's really how you have to approach it. You're a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes.

I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.