On Sunday, the president flies to the Azores islands to attend a summit with British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Spanish Prime Minister Jose Aznar, and here's my prediction: Bush gets voted off.

Comedy doesn't always have to come from a dark place.

President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers.

My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.'

I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone.

Bryant Gumbel is thrilled about his CBS deal and can't wait to start alienating the staff of an entirely new network.

President Bush said John Kerry is on both sides of every issue. And Kerry replied, 'No, I'm not ... but there is some truth to that.'