I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone.

I always tell people I romanticize about doing something simple, like doing radio in northern California.

With Iraq plunging into chaos and gas prices at record highs President Bush took time out this weekend for a ride on his bicycle, but unfortunately he fell off and sustained cuts to his face and hands. Apparently Bush was distracted by the enormous responsibilities of the presidency. I'm just kidding. He hit some gravel or something.

It's not a big part, ... I wheel in an ultrasound machine and say to Taylor's gynecologist, 'If you have a problem with it, just give it a light tap on the side.' Then they hand me a urine sample, and I put it up to the light and say 'Hmm, looks pretty healthy, but I'll check.'

President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers.

Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent.

President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.