With Iraq plunging into chaos and gas prices at record highs President Bush took time out this weekend for a ride on his bicycle, but unfortunately he fell off and sustained cuts to his face and hands. Apparently Bush was distracted by the enormous responsibilities of the presidency. I'm just kidding. He hit some gravel or something.

Clinton said he feels safe in Harlem. It's the only place in the state Hillary is scared to look for him after dark.

As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings.

Lot of people wondering if John Kerry supports gay marriages. Here's a hint ... he gets $1,000 haircuts.

Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent.

Comedy doesn't always have to come from a dark place.

In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there.