Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

President Bush has delivered a new resolution to the U.N. saying that Saddam has failed to cooperate with U.N. resolutions, freeing us to get our war on. Don't mess with us France, or we'll send Jerry Lewis to Iraq as a human shield.

Boeing is working on an invisible fighter jet so nobody can see who's flying it. Didn't George Bush fly this in the National Guard, I believe?

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress.

Singer Boy Dylan was stopped at his own sow by security guards who failed to recognize the singer. Asked to comment, Dylan replied, 'I can hardly blame them. Look at me.'