President Bush announced a billion dollar mission to the moon and Mars. He came up with a snappy new slogan - to drill where no man has drilled before.

Bryant Gumbel is thrilled about his CBS deal and can't wait to start alienating the staff of an entirely new network.

Maria Shriver is credited with helping Arnold win by standing by him despite allegations of groping. She had to stand by him cause Arnold had a vice grip on her left ass cheek.

There are 300,000 new jobs and Bush said he's confused, 'Can I take credit for good news that I didn't even make up?'

President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the 'War on Jobs.'

Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry.

As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of fighting, then we'll be sent one war every other month until we cancel our subscription.