President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.

Maria Shriver is credited with helping Arnold win by standing by him despite allegations of groping. She had to stand by him cause Arnold had a vice grip on her left ass cheek.

President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers.

Howard Dean is narrowing the field of potential running mates. It's down to Mike Tyson or Bobby Knight.

John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

Apparently, six women claim that Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them while working on his movies. Hats off to these women who admit they worked on Arnold's movies.