This is so weird. I saw the new John Kerry campaign commercial and he says, 'I'm John Kerry and I approve of this message - if I have one.'

Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.

Clinton said he feels safe in Harlem. It's the only place in the state Hillary is scared to look for him after dark.

Maria Shriver is credited with helping Arnold win by standing by him despite allegations of groping. She had to stand by him cause Arnold had a vice grip on her left ass cheek.

President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers.