California's economy is declining so rapidly that candidates are asking 'Are you better off now then you were four minutes ago?'

President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers.

Boeing is working on an invisible fighter jet so nobody can see who's flying it. Didn't George Bush fly this in the National Guard, I believe?

Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'

I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone.