California's economy is declining so rapidly that candidates are asking 'Are you better off now then you were four minutes ago?'

The places I've worked in the past, I always stayed three years and moved on.

Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy.

Larry Flynt, running for governor of California. His goal - change our state bird to the spread eagle.

President Bush has delivered a new resolution to the U.N. saying that Saddam has failed to cooperate with U.N. resolutions, freeing us to get our war on. Don't mess with us France, or we'll send Jerry Lewis to Iraq as a human shield.

I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone.

Bryant Gumbel is thrilled about his CBS deal and can't wait to start alienating the staff of an entirely new network.