Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry.

If loving you is wrong, then I'll just like you a whole bunch!

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

Apparently, six women claim that Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them while working on his movies. Hats off to these women who admit they worked on Arnold's movies.

I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone.

President Bush has delivered a new resolution to the U.N. saying that Saddam has failed to cooperate with U.N. resolutions, freeing us to get our war on. Don't mess with us France, or we'll send Jerry Lewis to Iraq as a human shield.

President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.