Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative. Affect an aloof, cool demeanor as soon as any man tries to draw you out. Unless, of course, he's the pilot.

A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

Dogs and humans are symbiotic species. We need each other.

[On her dogs:] I have four now. My friends tell me if I get any more they'll have to hold an intervention.

Dogs are us, only innocent.

Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame.

Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.