Pity the poor infant. Born perfect into the world from imperfect parents.

The Pain-Free Shopping Method: Buy a present for you, then a present for a friend. Then another present for you. Then a present for a friend. Then two presents for you. Then a present for a friend. Then go home, get into bed, and pull up the covers.

The only women who don't believe that sexual harassment is a real problem in this country are women who have never been in the workplace.

Sex is not some sort of pristine, reverent ritual. You want reverent and pristine, go to church.

A sense of humor isn't everything. It's only 90 percent of everything.

You love somebody, and then you don't love them anymore. But if you really love somebody, you always love them, don't you? Isn't there always some small part of you that reads their horoscope in the paper everyday?

Men, being conditioned badly, are always feeling nooses closing around their necks, even dumpy boors no girl would take on a bet.