I don't need somebody behind a desk to tell me what a marketing survey says is funny. I got 3 million miles and 70,000 tickets sold, telling me that I know how to make people laugh.

They had this movie called Juno about a teenage girl who gets pregnant and it's nominated for an Oscar. That's an unusual experience for me, 'cause when a black girl gets pregnant it ain't no Oscar. It's social work and a box of condoms is what that is.

Every group has its idiosyncrasies, but at a certain point we all are human.

I used to always run off at the mouth and talk about people. I just didn't know that it would make a living for me.

One of the most beautiful things in the world I've ever seen or heard is people laughing, even when there seems to be so little reason for them to laugh.

There is always one person in the office that you want to whip their ass! If you don't know who it is, it is probably you.

No matter how bad things are, you can at least be happy that you woke up this morning. D.