There's something about having a great bottle of wine and a great cigar. Nothing compares to it.

I don't need somebody behind a desk to tell me what a marketing survey says is funny. I got 3 million miles and 70,000 tickets sold, telling me that I know how to make people laugh.

One of the most beautiful things in the world I've ever seen or heard is people laughing, even when there seems to be so little reason for them to laugh.

I'm not gonna lie, I love the holidays. But Christmas was a lot more fun when you weren't paying for it.

I used to always run off at the mouth and talk about people. I just didn't know that it would make a living for me.

Did you ever have the police follow you for so long, that you get suspicious about your own goddamn self? Maybe I did kill them people.

There is always one person in the office that you want to whip their ass! If you don't know who it is, it is probably you.