Forget the Bible, the greatest argument against human evolution is a YouTube comment thread.
My life is now a constant assessment of whether what's happening in real life is more entertaining than what's happening on my phone.
No one's dream job involves a kiosk.
My other car is a vehicle with a bumper sticker describing this car.
It's never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes
Before taking the stage, Paul Ryan spent 6 hours staring into a mirror working on 'concerned eyebrow.'