It's hard to find a play that's right for me to do. Rather than waiting around for the right script to come along, I decided to write one myself.

It's the weirdest thing. When you go into acting, you expect to be a huge star and to be recognized. It did happen, but not in the way you expect it to. In L.A., I'm just another character actor.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

After years of doing it, you learn the difference between your ego and your opinion. When you're married you have to cut through that.

To many, Homer may appear lazy and a loser, but he's just much misguided. He's boorish, sure, but well meaning and, I guess, the one thing we have in common is the pursuit of lousy diets.

English? Who needs to spend time learning that? I'm never going to England!

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!