Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.

I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.

I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.

Start each day out the holy way..with Christ Chex, it's a miracle in a bowl. Just open the box and you hear AHHHHH....and then a lil' angel flies out and says 'good morning, life is beautiful!'.

It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.