When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.

Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?

Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.

We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.

You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

I live my life like there's no yesterday.